Engagements and Weddings and Babies.. OH MY!!!

If I wrote this blog a couple years ago, it would be depressing. I used to get really sad and feel "left out" when I was surrounded with friends getting married or have kids...esp if they were friends around my age. The green eyed monster would take over my heart and I'd instantly want to settle for any man who crossed my path. If that didn't happen right away, I'd get carried away with the thought that God was just unfair and must've hated me! Wow...I was a bitter person.
Now the test.... in the Life Teen office, four women are getting married this year. I've been helping Sydney (one of my best friends) get things ready for her wedding. My aunt (more like my sister) is now 'trying' for another baby. Just last night, I found out that Eric (my 'brother from another mother') is engaged to his girlfriend, my friend, Jeanette.
Normally I'd think God was hoarding all the goodness from me. This time something's different. Now my heart is SO full of joy! I don't think I've ever been this happy for other people's blessings. That doesn't mean I've not thought about "my turn", believe me, I have. But right now I'm content. Not even content. My heart is captivated. I want to get married, sure. But my soul is so preoccupied with how awesome our God is and how He loves me like CRAZY! I pray that when "my turn" has arrived, I'll not forget this feeling.

*BTW...Congratulations to everyone I mentioned. I am absolutely, genuinely overjoyed for you!*

Concider the Cost

I checked my email...like I do every morning. And I read a daily devotional that I receive everyday. Like everyday, I was going to save it in my "maybe one day I could use this" folder. But when I read the scripture at the top, I couldn't help but stare at my computer for a while.



“So therefore, none of you can become my disciple if you do not give up all your possessions.”

—Luke 14:33 (NRSV)

So I took it with me to the chapel for my time before the Lord. I decided to read what came before and after that verse. After I read it, I realized that I'm used to what's in v.27 when it speaks of carrying your cross in order to be a disciple. St. Paul speaks of our cross over and over again. But Jesus also said, "give up all your possessions". So I started thinking...cross.... possessions. What do those mean and have I been doing what Jesus asks of me?

There have been a lot of trials in my life that I usually think of as my "cross". Abuse (self-inflicted and by others), abandonment, betrayal, self doubt, loss, death, illness, hopelessness, financial burden, robbed of my joy. I know this cross - which is a heavy one to carry (not compared to Christ's) was given to me and God has allowed it. I've accepted it with His grace. It's only by His grace that I'm able to carry it. Actually, I rely on Him to do most of the carrying because I'm a wimp.

OH...wait a second, if I can't do it on my own, then is God carrying my cross and not me? Am I still a good disciple if I'm relying on God to carry the weight? And, sure I say that I've hand over my cross to God, but let's be honest here, would it be so darn heavy if He were helping me? I don't know about you, but this thing is digging into my shoulders! Jesus says, "Come to me all you who are burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon your shoulder. For my burden is light and yoke is easy." WAIT a minute -He tells us to take up our cross if we want to be His disciples. does it mean that we chicken out of discipleship because our cross is too heavy and we trade it in for Jesus' lighter yoke? No. Just after He speaks of taking up our cross as a price to pay for discipleship, He says you must give up ALL your possessions.

As a missionary, I've given up a whole lot of things. My bi-weekly pedicure/manicure. My car. Dinner, lunch or coffee with friends everyday at different restaurants. I traded in my queen sized bed for a twin, Starbucks for instant Taster's Choice, movies every other weekend for watching the same 3 dvd's over and over (St. Rita, Padre Pio and St. Paul), $150 every other month on my hair for a $10 box of hair dye, my own apartment with my own bathroom and my own walk-in closet for living in community with two strangers (who have since become great friends of mine). I think I've given up a lot. That's just the material stuff.

Right before I came out here, God helped me "give up" other things too. He gave me the scripture about Abram being called out of his country, kinfolk, and father's house (Gen. 12). So I've given up being in a comfortable place...moved out of my comfort-zone, away from friends and family. I'm physically not near any of them. So in a sense, these are things I have "given up" as well.

But all of those things - both material and not aren't even what I have attributed to making my cross heavy. Those were things that caused some...adjusting (for lack of a better word)..but really, I don't think that that's all I'm asked to give up. There are other possessions that need to be "renounced"(NAB version of "give up"). Things that will truly lighten the burden of my cross once I hand it over to Christ. Those possessions like; fear of failure, fear of future, fear of loneliness, past hurts, past letdowns, my pride, my jealousy, my laziness, my approval addiction, my desire for affection. Those things. Those are the possessions I weigh myself down with. And Jesus, ever so gently, but persistently reminds me over and over - " you must give up ALL of your possessions to be a true disciple of me".

My goal, this year, is holiness - to be set apart, unto Him. If selling all my goods and renouncing all of my "possessions" (the things that truly possess my heart) will help me become a disciple and get me to that place of holiness - here it is Lord. I surrender.

ps. if you read this...God bless you! I just realized how long it is. =]

Just for fun...

Check this out. (Thanks for the link Adam..hehe) Here's a picture slideshow of what took place on our mission trip in Mexico.
http://lifeteen.com/default.aspx?PageID=PHHOME

A New Thing

This may make me sound like a BIG nerd (really, it's no secret that I really am one) but I love Hebrew studies! I love learning about Hebrew culture and the Torah and all the Jewish feast days and everything. What's so wonderful about looking at the Hebrew scripture (the Old Testament) and reading some of mishnah (rabbinic commentary), is how God reveals His plan of salvation from day one and all the way thru to Jesus' birth. And for those who read this and think," Ok Raquel, you're not Jewish...you're Christian." Well true. Very true. I love my Catholic Christian faith. As a Christian, I'm going into a deeper study of who Jesus was, not to mention who St. Paul was...or some of the other authors of the New Testament. Jesus was a Jew. A faithful one at that. And so was St. Paul. And pretty much most of the people in the Bible. Why not study who these people were? Maybe I'd have a little more insight as to why Jesus said some of the things He said and did some of the things He did. God would not have allowed the first part of our Christian bible to be a part of the bible had He had not wanted us to look at it, right?

Anyway...enough ranting. =) I think what got me in this mood was listening to Paul Wilbur - " Baruch Adonai/Shout of El Shaddai" and "Roni Roni Bat Zion". Go listen to it...I bet you'll start dancing....just like David infront of the Ark of Covanent. =) ok I'll stop.

Click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Psxe3cjf4-U