Concider the Cost

I checked my email...like I do every morning. And I read a daily devotional that I receive everyday. Like everyday, I was going to save it in my "maybe one day I could use this" folder. But when I read the scripture at the top, I couldn't help but stare at my computer for a while.



“So therefore, none of you can become my disciple if you do not give up all your possessions.”

—Luke 14:33 (NRSV)

So I took it with me to the chapel for my time before the Lord. I decided to read what came before and after that verse. After I read it, I realized that I'm used to what's in v.27 when it speaks of carrying your cross in order to be a disciple. St. Paul speaks of our cross over and over again. But Jesus also said, "give up all your possessions". So I started thinking...cross.... possessions. What do those mean and have I been doing what Jesus asks of me?

There have been a lot of trials in my life that I usually think of as my "cross". Abuse (self-inflicted and by others), abandonment, betrayal, self doubt, loss, death, illness, hopelessness, financial burden, robbed of my joy. I know this cross - which is a heavy one to carry (not compared to Christ's) was given to me and God has allowed it. I've accepted it with His grace. It's only by His grace that I'm able to carry it. Actually, I rely on Him to do most of the carrying because I'm a wimp.

OH...wait a second, if I can't do it on my own, then is God carrying my cross and not me? Am I still a good disciple if I'm relying on God to carry the weight? And, sure I say that I've hand over my cross to God, but let's be honest here, would it be so darn heavy if He were helping me? I don't know about you, but this thing is digging into my shoulders! Jesus says, "Come to me all you who are burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon your shoulder. For my burden is light and yoke is easy." WAIT a minute -He tells us to take up our cross if we want to be His disciples. does it mean that we chicken out of discipleship because our cross is too heavy and we trade it in for Jesus' lighter yoke? No. Just after He speaks of taking up our cross as a price to pay for discipleship, He says you must give up ALL your possessions.

As a missionary, I've given up a whole lot of things. My bi-weekly pedicure/manicure. My car. Dinner, lunch or coffee with friends everyday at different restaurants. I traded in my queen sized bed for a twin, Starbucks for instant Taster's Choice, movies every other weekend for watching the same 3 dvd's over and over (St. Rita, Padre Pio and St. Paul), $150 every other month on my hair for a $10 box of hair dye, my own apartment with my own bathroom and my own walk-in closet for living in community with two strangers (who have since become great friends of mine). I think I've given up a lot. That's just the material stuff.

Right before I came out here, God helped me "give up" other things too. He gave me the scripture about Abram being called out of his country, kinfolk, and father's house (Gen. 12). So I've given up being in a comfortable place...moved out of my comfort-zone, away from friends and family. I'm physically not near any of them. So in a sense, these are things I have "given up" as well.

But all of those things - both material and not aren't even what I have attributed to making my cross heavy. Those were things that caused some...adjusting (for lack of a better word)..but really, I don't think that that's all I'm asked to give up. There are other possessions that need to be "renounced"(NAB version of "give up"). Things that will truly lighten the burden of my cross once I hand it over to Christ. Those possessions like; fear of failure, fear of future, fear of loneliness, past hurts, past letdowns, my pride, my jealousy, my laziness, my approval addiction, my desire for affection. Those things. Those are the possessions I weigh myself down with. And Jesus, ever so gently, but persistently reminds me over and over - " you must give up ALL of your possessions to be a true disciple of me".

My goal, this year, is holiness - to be set apart, unto Him. If selling all my goods and renouncing all of my "possessions" (the things that truly possess my heart) will help me become a disciple and get me to that place of holiness - here it is Lord. I surrender.

ps. if you read this...God bless you! I just realized how long it is. =]