Crazy, huh?! Little Raquel...80's glasses...no teeth...lace hair thingy. This was my 1st grade school picture. 1st grade! At that point in my life, my world consisted of rainbow bright dolls, barbies, and a smelly baby brother. My Sunday's started out with the ritual frantic rush to get to church on time. My long hair must have been my mom's worst nightmare. I remember my hair being pulled so tight I could barely see through my very slanted eyes. At church, we always ended up sitting along the center aisle. The first thing I did was check out who was sitting across the aisle for fear of holding a creepy person's hand during the "Our Father" and I'd stare at them for most of the mass. Then, it never failed, homilies just didn't appeal to my 6 yr old mind. I'd fall asleep and kinda hum to myself. My mom would pull and tug at me to wake me up, but I'd just go right back to sleep. Then the music would start and I'd sing my lungs out. Mass was over and it was DONUT TIME!!!
I realized, sometime last year, that no matter how hard it was for my mom to get us there, we went to mass every single Sunday. When I looked at this picture today, the first thing that crossed my mind was, I wonder if my mom would have ever guessed that I'd be doing what I'm doing now back then. Would she have ever guessed that her toothless little monster of a daughter, who was very disinterested in church, would grow up to serve God thru the church? Did she ever think that her 6 yr old screeching would eventually become a gift and passion that would inspire her to lead hundreds/thousands of people in worship? I have a funny feeling.. she had no idea what kind of seeds she was planting.
Today is one of my most favorite feast days of the liturgical year: Presentation of Jesus in the Temple. It's when Mary and Joseph took Jesus, as a baby, to the temple and gave Him to the Lord in thanksgiving and sacrifice(as the first born male). You can find the story in Luke 2 starting at verse 22. I love that whole thing...but what really stood out for me today was this:
"Behold, this child is destined for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be contradicted and you yourself a sword will pierce so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed."
Mary knew from the very beginning of her son's life, that there was going to be sorrow. That the call on His life was the highest. Mary wasn't ignorant to the scriptures either. She knew what the prophets spoke. She knew all the persecution and horrible death He'd endure. Yet...as the ultimate obedient servant of God the Father, and a good practicing Jew, she took Him to the temple, to say, "Here Lord, is Your son" (I'm assuming something like that was said...maybe not by Mary, but Joseph).
So when hearing that today, I thought of my own mother. She would bring me to church every weekend. I grew in my faith. As time has gone on, and some of my major decisions (at least in the past couple years) have been discerned thru prayer and my faith in what God calls me to do. I see my mom's face. It's one of happiness because her daughter is loving the life God has prepared for her. But there's a sense of sadness too. She's seen me go through a lot. She's seen me struggle with myself and others. She knows some of the blows that have come against me for changing my life around. She has seen my sadness when I've had lost a friend or two, by choosing to live a different way. I'm not a parent yet... but I know that when your child hurts, you hurt. When you see your child suffering, you suffer. I'm not comparing myself to Christ or my mom to Mary. But that relationship of mother and child. My mom may still not understand why I do things...but she knows this: I'm trying my hardest to do God's will. I fall. I mess up. But I'm trying. God's will is not easy and it requires some things that will stretch and mold me. I'm so blessed to have a mother who tries to understand that. I pray for her heart everyday. I praise God that He put it in her heart to take me to church every week and, whether intentional or not, that she introduced me to this wonderful life with God.
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